Foster Youth’s Unstoppable 30-Year Search for Birth Mother Ends in Long-Lost Family Reunion
The Search for Closure
For Elizabeth, understanding where she came from began later in life. She was adopted at 7 years old by two loving parents alongside her brother John and her sister Constance. She says “Being in a loving home, a loving family, I didn’t have any type of question as far as where she was or anything.”
The search for her biological mother, Debra Dial, emerged out of a longing for connection—to know where she came from.
Elizabeth’s ‘WHY,’ as she calls it, was simple yet undeniably profound: “I wanted to know…where did I come from? Who’s out there? Who’s connected to me? I didn’t want to continue on with those questions and be left out here not knowing.”
She elaborates, “If you decide that you want to go find your siblings, people will make you feel bad, like, ‘You don’t need to go find them, we’ve taken good care of you.’ But what’s the ‘Why’ you have that on your mind that you’re wanting to know? I didn’t want to die with that.”
These questions set her on a journey that would lead her through challenges and unexpected discoveries, all in pursuit of that closure.
Elizabeth’s search for Debra Dial hits brick walls
At the time in New York, laws made accessing records difficult to obtain for fostered and adopted children. Policies widely enforced sealed adoption records, and it wasn’t until 2020 that the state permitted adoptees to access any information about their biological parents.
This gave Elizabeth’s initial search a very cold start. “The first place I went was to the Social Security office,” she recalls. “With Social Security in New York, once you adopt, the records are sealed. They gave me no information. They gave me nothing.”
Other efforts proved equally unhelpful. Her adoption agency’s records were destroyed in a fire years prior, and the hospital couldn’t release information, offering no insight into Debra’s identity. “I wanted to give up at that time because it was a dead end,” Elizabeth explains. But she pushed forward and reached out to the foster care community online.
Finding a Search Angel on Facebook
When other search methods failed, Elizabeth turned to social media and online forums dedicated to helping former foster youth reconnect with their families. She posted everything she knew about Debra on Adopted.com and a search angels Facebook group page—people dedicated to reuniting foster youth and their birth families—in hopes someone would reach out.
“People always say Facebook is bad,” Elizabeth reflects, “but Facebook was good to me.”
Her efforts paid off in an astonishingly short time. Within five minutes of posting, Elizabeth was contacted by Cher Caldwell, a post-adoption specialist known for helping families reunite. Cher’s expertise became a turning point in Elizabeth’s search. Soon, the pieces began falling into place.
A Series of Amazing Coincidences
Cher uncovered the names of Elizabeth’s biological grandparents, procured their death certificates, and information about other relatives.
“I thought it was a scam! But she sent all of the information to me within two or three hours. She gave me my whole life story: who my grandparents were, what my name was, all of that. She told me I owed her nothing. That she just wanted to help me.” Elizabeth exclaims.
Cher’s dedication also provided Elizabeth with the names of two brothers and a sister she’d never met–Joy, Walter, and Prince. However, this discovery was bittersweet. Elizabeth learned the heartbreaking news that her biological mother, Debra, had passed away and was buried in Hamlet, North Carolina.
Even in the face of this loss, Elizabeth’s story took an unexpected turn. Cher connected her with the mayor of Hamlet, who had also served as the funeral director for Debra’s burial. When Elizabeth shared her siblings’ names with him, his response was beyond her wildest expectations. “He said, ‘You’re not going to believe this—I go to church with them every Sunday.’”
The mayor provided her aunt’s phone number, and when she called, she immediately recognized Elizabeth. “We’ve been waiting for you to call all this time,” her aunt said.
From there, she uncovered yet another sibling: Alonzo.
A Single Phone Call Sparks a New Chapter for Elizabeth
Cher had previously shared some photographs for Elizabeth to review. “One picture looked like [my brother] John, but he was darker. It looked just like him,” she said. Elizabeth knew instantly—this was her brother–a brother she had yet to meet. Cher told Elizabeth she had Alonzo’s phone number and asked if she’d like to call him. Elizabeth, of course, said yes.
The moment Elizabeth called Alonzo was unforgettable. When he picked up, all Elizabeth could think to say was, “I think you’re my brother.” Confused and astonished, Alonzo simply asked, “Ma’am?” Elizabeth mentioned Debra Dial’s name, and he started crying.
In an incredible twist of fate, the day Elizabeth called was Alonzo’s birthday. Their emotional conversation marked the beginning of a new chapter, reconnecting siblings who had been separated for decades. Their long-lost family reunion was nothing short of a miracle.
This long-lost family reunion is also how Elizabeth began her career as an author.
“I lost my job to COVID. Alonzo was the vice president of a publishing company…he introduces me to the CEO of the company! Me and the CEO came together and wrote a children’s book together, a part one and a part two. Now I’ve been writing books for five years.”
Elizabeth is now a published author for children’s books Just Like My Dad 1 and Just Like My Dad 2 and many others. Her books are now found across the country in libraries, in bookstores, and on Amazon.
A Mother’s Keepsakes and a Daughter’s Peace
Through this long-lost family reunion journey, Elizabeth found solace in learning about her birth family; she was able to connect with new siblings and gain a better understanding of her biological mother’s life. “I wanted to know why my son was almost six feet tall,” she says. “Now I know. My brother is six foot seven, and my grandfather was tall. These are things I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t pursued this.”
Elizabeth also uncovered precious items that connected her to her biological mother. Among the belongings she salvaged from a wet suitcase in her aunt’s garage were notebooks filled with recipes, scriptures, and writings. “My mom loved to bake and write. Now I know where I get that from,” Elizabeth shares. Debra’s keepsakes became cherished treasures that Elizabeth carries with her, offering a sense of peace and love.
“She would always, in the beginning of her notebooks, write down ‘To my eight beautiful children,’ and she would write our names. She put that in the front of all her books.”
A recurring reference to Whitney Houston’s song The Greatest Love of All appears in many of her notebooks as well. “My mom wrote down the lyrics in her notebooks,” she says. “That was her favorite song. She kept it with her along with our names, birthdates, and other keepsakes. She carried those things wherever she went.”
Now, having pieced together her family’s story, Elizabeth feels at peace. “I’m at closure,” she reflects. “I know where my mom is. I know where my siblings are. I can live my life with no regrets.”
The decision to search for birth parents is deeply personal, and you should pursue it if it feels right for you
It’s common for current and former foster youth to have questions about where they came from—“Who are my birth parents?” and “Why did they give me up?” While some may feel content without exploring these questions, others find it necessary to seek answers for closure. Neither choice is “wrong,” and the decision to search for answers or not is entirely up to the individual.
Many children in foster care express a desire to reconnect with or reunite with their birth families. However, challenges like trauma, limited access to records, and systemic barriers can complicate this journey. Despite these obstacles, about 47% of foster youth are successfully reunited with their biological parents. Though the odds are tough, as Elizabeth’s experience shows, it is possible to find answers—even despite encountering many challenges along the way.
It’s important to understand that seeking answers about your birth family doesn’t diminish the love or value of your forever family. Wanting to explore your past is simply part of the journey, and it doesn’t lessen the bond with the family you have in the present.
Even with the love and support of her parents, who ensured she and her siblings had everything they needed, Elizabeth’s questions about her past were a natural and important part of her story.
“I’m still with my mom,” Elizabeth says, “As a matter of fact, I’m going up there next week for Thanksgiving and I still have that. I just want people to know, although I didn’t have my mom, she gave me the best life, as far as giving me away. She gave us a life that we were supposed to have. So I’m grateful for her for doing that.”
Understanding Debra’s Choice
Elizabeth says her long-lost family reunion gave her closure and has helped her understand why her biological mother left her on that bench in New York, and motivates her to speak to others about her experience:
“After hearing everything, she had a rough life, too, and I have to take that in consideration. Even going back and playing in my mind, what do people think…what are they going through? So why would I have that animosity when she was able to give me life? I’m glad she put me on that bench. I’m glad that she was able to do that because it gave me an opportunity… to be able to inspire other people and tell other people if I can do it, so can you.”
Elizabeth Encourages Those Who Want to Search, To Do It
Elizabeth hopes her story inspires others to seek answers and find their own closure, and hopefully, have their own long-lost family reunion.
“Don’t give up,” she urges. “No end is a dead end. There’s always hope at each end. Finding out where you come from isn’t about rejecting the life you’ve had—it’s about getting the closure you need to move forward.”
For Elizabeth, this journey wasn’t just about reconnecting with her past—it was about embracing it. “My mom gave me life, and by sitting me on that bench and walking out that door, she gave me another life. She didn’t give up on me; she just couldn’t take care of me at the time.”
As she looks ahead, Elizabeth envisions sharing her long-lost family reunion story with more people, bringing the items her biological mother kept and using them to illustrate her journey. “I see myself speaking at events, and telling my story.” She continues, “Even though this isn’t the ‘American Dream’, there’s other people out there who will love you.”
—
If you’re seeking to reunite with your family, reaching out to search angels like Cher could be a valuable step. “Search angel” refers to individuals who assist people in finding their family members. A good place to begin is the Search Angels website: https://www.searchangels.org/. They can guide you through the process and provide support along the way. Don’t give up!
