How To Tell a Foster Child They’re Leaving Your Home

Figuring out how to tell a foster child they are leaving, whether going home or to a new foster family, can be difficult. Every goodbye is part of a bigger story filled with care. You’ve poured love and hope into this child. That doesn’t end when they leave. Through tools like memory boxes, honest talks, and ongoing contact, your support continues, even when you’re far apart.

Starting the Conversation

Start by setting a calm, private moment. Choose a time when you’re both relaxed, not rushed. Say something like:

“I need to share something important. Soon, you’ll be moving to a new place. It doesn’t change how much I care about you.”

Being clear and gentle helps the child trust you and feel safe. Use simple language that they understand.

Be Honest and Empathetic

Honesty is caring. Explain the reason using age-appropriate clarity. For example:

“Your parents are ready to have you back, and this move is so they can take care of you again.”

Let them speak and express feelings. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know everything yet,” if details are unclear.

One foster parent shared:

“I tell him as soon as I know they are leaving… I tell them multiple times so they don’t forget and have it be a shock.”

Repeating the message ensures they don’t feel blindsided.

Validate Feelings. It’s Okay to Be Sad!

Moving brings big emotions. Let the child know it’s normal to feel sad or scared:

“It’s okay to feel upset. I’m sad too. You’re not alone.”

One foster coach shared, “Validate what they are feeling. Don’t try to take it away. Sit with your children in their feelings instead of rushing to fix them.” 

Create Memories Together

Make a memory box or photo album of things they loved: pictures, drawings, favorite notes. Sharing these memories shows, “You will always matter.”

A few ideas:

• Take a photo of you together.
• Write a note they can keep.
• Include a small keepsake.

This helps them feel remembered and loved.

Offer Continued Support

Reassure the child they can stay in touch (if the case permits):

“We can write letters, call, visit—you’ll always have someone here who cares.” 

If contact isn’t allowed, say so gently but let them know you’re always rooting for them.

When figuring out how to tell a foster child they’re leaving, remember: with clarity, compassion, and love. You’ve given them something special: a foundation of safety and self-worth they will carry forward.